Stranger and a Gentleman

Brief Description of this section...I went on a fake date with a willing and able participant.. Jen, our Monday Hottie, to find out what it is we screw up on a first date that maybe we aren't even aware we're doing. Where do we improve, what are our strong points? It's the quest to make this ugly duckling into the perfect gentleman. It's a work in progress, but this date was strictly professional, although I had to approach it as though it wasn't for the sake of the article. It's a work in progress, so feel free to e-mail some tips.

I was supposed to meet Jen at noon at Bahama Breeze by Cherry Hill Mall, but as usual I ran a few minutes late. Shit...now I'm panicking to find this place AND be on time....so I'm literally jogging through the mall. I finally get there and don't see her, but I've already gotten the text message that I'm late. I spot this petite blonde sitting at the bar and walk up hoping it's her, and sure enough...it is. But I'm not prepared for the level of gorgeous I was going to be eating with so I immediately become nervous, and blame the sweating on the jog through the mall. (I hope that was part of it, cause it's just weird if I sweat like that.) We start chit-chatting...she's drinking wine, I order a beer, because I still have to go back to work ...sorry boss.

It takes me about four minutes of that initial awkwardness to finally realize that she's actually really cool and easy to get along with. I fill this time by asking questions about what's on the menu, and what are her plans for the day. I catch myself talking about me and immediately start asking questions about her. And then when she answers, I actually listen, but I'm distracted because I'm trying to come up with another question that feeds off her answer. Try that sometime...it's harder than it sounds. We order and eat...which I think is the worst thing to do on a first date. If there's any way to show you have no manners, or common courtesy, go eat with your mouth open, and talk with a mouthful, or, hell, even try to carry a conversation while you inhale a jumbo coconut shrimp in one bite. It's like the first date for me is spent worrying about not effing it up.I keep telling myself..."Don't look like an ass." Then while I'm telling myself this, I have to look at this 8th wonder of the world across from me, and carry on decent conversation.

Finally the wine and beer take a minor affect, and we're opening up a little bit. I'm getting a much more comfortable vibe as the conversation changes to past experiences and other idle shit chat. Chit chat. So I find out she lived in LA, and I ask "What's the craziest thing you've ever seen in LA?" I can't tell the exact answer due to defamation of character lawsuits, but she may be the first person ever to link Kato Kaelin, Charlie Sheen, and Lenny Dykstra into the same story. Now we're rolling and opening up more. It's just generally a good time, and I'm not as nervous because she hasn't left yet.

All in all, it was a fun time... I learned about Astrology, religion, and partying (and Lenny Dykstra) all in the same lunch.We left it with the always popular half a handshake ...do we hug? ..and we locked in on the ass out hug. Overall I think I did a pretty good job. It was a win-win, I went there knowing that this was a professional lunch, but I still got that experience of hanging out with a hot chick...(seriously...she's so hot that I probably coulda pulled some action from the other customers just by being seen with her. Like the "he must be hung like a horse or own Microsoft"...cause that's the only way it'd make sense for us to be eating together) I'm beginning to realize that being yourself is actually your best bet. Think about how hard it is to keep on that fake persona....just "do you" and it'll show through, and worst case scenario, you've made a new friend.

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Beauty and the Beast

Editors note: Brief Description of this section...I went on a fake date with a willing and able participant..Jen, our Monday Hottie, to find out what it is we screw up on a first date that maybe we aren't even aware we're doing. Where do we improve, what are our strong points? It's the quest to make this ugly duckling into the perfect gentleman. It's a work in progress, but this date was strictly professional, although I had to approach it as though it wasn't for the sake of the article. It's a work in progress, so feel free to e-mail some tips. Here's what she had to say....

So I set out on my fake date, hoping to give Rob a few tips about what to do/what not to do during a date. We agreed to meet at noon for lunch. I show up actually 3 minutes early (which is like a miracle) and he shows up late. Not a very good thing to do to keep a lady waiting. Once he gets there, I see he is all sweaty like he just ran a marathon to get to me. I had to be forgiving. However, I let him know that he shouldn't make a habit of that for his future dates.

He met me at the bar. Even through all his tardiness and sweat, he was a nice looking guy. I could see his hands were fidgety so I started chatting away. He actually is a great conversationalist. He appeared to be listening and not just waiting for his turn to speak (which I hate in a man). Once we had a drink, he loosened up. He did the "first date/getting to know you" questioning. Typical first date stuff. He kept it simple He didn't ask any inappropriate questions like "So what's your favorite position?" And yes, that has actually happened to me before! He didn't drop any bombs, like "I'm in therapy over my last break up" or "I sometimes wear women's panties and sing I feel pretty." Which by the way, are all things we women want to know about, just not on the very first date. Note to men; We do want to know all about you. All your quirks and idiosyncrasies, just start filling us in slowly after the first date. Unless you have done prison time, then that's a different story!!

Rob was very nice, funny and easy to converse with. I was really expecting someone who needed a lot of help. He really had the first date scenario, locked up. It was alot of fun getting to know him and chatting about his zodiac sign and what vibes I got from him and how he chooses his ladies. I felt that our lunch went very well. It ended with hugs as we both continued on through our day.

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FHM APPROVED HOTTIE!

Lauren Houck OH YAY! Today we have an FHM Magazine certified hottie! For the sloooow people, she's been in FHM, so that means she's hot. My boy, Sullivan (FUMBLES!!!!) can attest that this Hottie looks just as good in person as on our site. I think she bought a car from him, or her friend did. Lauren comes to us from Cherry Hill, another Dirty Jerz girl, where she goes to Rutgers-Camden and majors in sociology. So technically, wouldn't she be the perfect person to ask for dating tips? Lauren also played soccer at Rutgers which explains the superior body structure (?). I can't think of a polite way to say she's got a smokin hot body. Oh (sidenote), and Philly girls need to step it up. These Jersey girls might be more fun. She certainly looks like she can have fun. I think it's the devious smile. Looks like she's up to no good. She also says she loves the peace sign, which I mistook for meaning she loves flashing the peace sign, like our Douchebag of the Week. She actually loves collecting anything with peace signs on it. Very Hippy-ish, Lauren! Her room must be a trip for hippies on acid. Our hottie also works at a tanning salon in Cherry Hill, so if you see me on the streets looking like a rotten orange, you know where I've been. Another fun fact about today's Hottie is the she has a brother named Ralph......get it....Ralph and Lauren...Ralph Lauren. Yes, they believe it may have been planned that way. And her sister is a mutt named Mia. Lauren, sorry to call your puppy a mutt, but since I got my little chick magnet, I'm not a fan of any other dogs. Anyway, all gayness aside, listen to her advice, she's a trained Hottie.

Tip of the Day

Q: What's the best piece of advice you cagive us for dating/ approaching a Hottie?

A: You have to have confidence and not be to overprotective. Give the girl space and don’t be jealous. If she only has eyes for you then you have NOTHING to worry about. Also, no CHEESY lines. :) Just have fun and be yourself. Humor can win any girl over. I think :)





I can attest to the space thing being true. I screwed that up literally LAST week. If the girls into you, she'll get back to you. Patience is a virtue...like you care anyway....assholes. Just look at the pretty pictures, retard.

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They Packed Up In here Wall To Wall And I Don't Hear Nothing But Ladies Calling

Fallon aka Fal-Gal

Where do I even start with today's hottie? This might be the hottest girl you'll ever meet. It's not only her looks, it's her swagger. Fallon oozes sexuality. She's just hot, and knows it, but isn't too cocky about it. I'd like to put it into words, but I'm at a loss for them. She just sent me the pictures she wants us to use, and I can't pick my jaw up off the floor. honestly, I don't think you've lived until you've seen Falgal in a bikini poolside. She even caused me to break my rule of not putting up hotties I actually know. Not that it matters, there's like 3 actually really hot chicks I know. And when I call they're usually not willing to answer, or listen to me drunk babble. Thank god for the internets! I've actually seen Fallon look hot at Applebee's. I mean, the decor of the place alone takes most hotness levels down a few notches. Yet, she still remained hotter than a Tyler Florence Fajita (FYI...thats very hot). Paulie, you might be the luckiest, or dumbest, bastard I ever met. I'm leaning towards dumbest. I'm gonna let her tell it...

My name is Fallon. I am 23 yrs old. I attend Penn State in Abington and graduate in December. My major is Communications, which I hope to pursue a career in sportscasting or marketing for Philadelphia sports teams. I love watching sports, especially football! I am a family type of girl and would do anything for anyone. On my spare time I love hanging out with my friends and boyfriend, going out to bars, and laying by the pool to get a tan. I dont know what I would do without my best friends and boyfriend, they are always there for me and are my life! My hopes for the future are to be happy, successful with my career, modeling on the side, and starting a family. My words for advice: Always keep your head up and think positive, be grateful for what you have in life!

Tip of the Day

Q: Falgal, give us the best piece of advice you can for approaching or dating a hottie??

A: If you think a girl is good looking, dont be scared to approach her. Dont show a sign of fear and dont use any corny pick-up lines. Be yourself, start a conversation, and dont think of getting shot down. You should be confident, but never cocky. Many guys get intimidated by pretty girls, but the truth of the matter is you will never know the outcome unless you try!

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Yo Man.. I Ordered Sugar With My Hot-Tea!!!!

Bethany


I still can't stop laughing from the half a high five. Man that bag o' douche is really hitting hard. Anyways, you guys are gonna love this one. So, what I can gather from this hottie is: hot, fun, in a web series called "Ninja Babes from Space." So, her and Mr. Miyagi have been putting in some serious QT (Quality Time..moron). She looks alot better in hats that I do...and did I mention she's HOT!!! I'll let her do some of the talking here.
SO about me: I am a working actress and a trained dancer. I love performing. I'm a huge EAGLES fan and I love just drinking some beer and watching good football. One of my favorite things to do is just be super silly with my friends and just go out and have a fun time! Currently I can be seen as Sky in "Ninja Babes From Space." Its a web series that can be viewed on www.atomfilms.com. Or you could just go to www.ninjababesfromspace.com for the all the ninja babe info. :)


Easiest ways to my heart: My advice is to just be yourself. Don't put on a fake act to impress me. Be a gentleman. I like when guys are super sweet and do little surprises here and there. I love funny guys and guys who don't take them too seriously. You have to like to dance and appreciate theatre and art, because that is a huge part of my life. Oh and guys who can get along with my friends...thats a big one

Tip of the Day:

Q: When I get a hotties phone number, how long do I wait to call?

A: I think the whole you have to wait so long to call rule is crap. If you like a girl you should call her as soon as you want. Because if the girl actually gave you her number, it means she's interested(she wouldn't have done it she wasn't) and she is probably waiting around to hear from you anyway. So just stop the games and go and call her already :)

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How NOT To Approach A Woman On Myspace

Douchebag Of The Week

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=1532204



Subject: Remember to write mike back

Body: Hey there how are you ? First to explain my subject line. That is just for when you got all those guys that are tools writing everyday and your like geez how many guys can write me . Atleast you will see that headline and write me back when you just wanna delete like every message you get . Do me a favor read my profile when you get a chance its pretty explanatory. Oh by the way when you open my profile yes i know its annoying with the music videos blasting. Guess what though you get half of a high five for dealing with the noise and then other half of a high five when you write me back. Yes i can be a sacastic ass sometimes lol. Okay here is the most important part though . That part where 1. You approve my friends request 2. Your profile is as good inside as it is on the outside. 3 . Everything else falls into place like you have this uncontrolable desire to meet guys called mike . That your incredibly single or that your on here to set up your supermodel friend with only guys named Mike . For some reason i would take one of those being true lol .



Dude....you can't be serious. A half a high five??? And the other half later? I think you have half a sac...You'll get the other half when you actually become man enough to ask a woman out. Stop soiling our gender, assface. Let's see...tribal Arm Band..check. Gay Name tatto on arm...check. Camo hat, with bandana underneath. yep it's there. Ohhh, and multiple shit on my wrist to make me look like a recovering suicide patient. Yezzir! The best part is he probably has no idea who he sent this too, because it's copy and pasted each time.

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Welcome to The Good Life!

Jen




BOOOOOOM! We're back with a vengeance...like Bruce Willis, and his crackhead daughter. Anyway...check out Jen, aka Atomic Bombshell. This hottie is one of my favorites...she bartends at Mansion and help run a Promotions company...Bar-Star. Jen loves to collect 80's memorabilia, it's just a good thing she doesn't still rock the Bon Jovi teased out hair-do. She collects Vans, 80's pins, patches, clothing, etc...you name it, she's got it. I wonder if she wears her sunglasses at night. Ahhh, I'm stretching there. Anyway, seriously, this hottie's a keeper. I think I wanna marry her. Jen, Marry me? I mean we don't know eachother or anything, but I can steal a sick Saved By The Bell Tshirt from my cousin, and I've also got a Cobra Kai t-shirt from Karate Kid. (Yes, I'm that awesome!) Not only is she sexy as hell, but she's charitable, AND can drink your ass under the table. Although in my case, it's not really that hard...I'm 170 ..the alcohol goes straight to my weird shaped head. So send us some feedback on this hottie, and get your ass down to Mansion. Visit http://www.gildasclub.com/ and make a donation in for our Hottie. Gilda's Club is for support group for female cancer survivors. I've been to one of their events before, and I gotta say it was actually pretty wild. OPEN BAR is the first rule of all good parties. So the next time you wanna throw a party and get wild, call Bar-Star Promotions...You can see their Myspace page at www.myspace.com/bar_starpromotions.

Tip of the Day:

Q: When I get a hotties phone number, how long do I wait to call?

A: I think 24 hours is a good enough time. Not too short, not too long. And 3 days is definitey way too much. She probably won't even remember you!

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