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Monday, September 15, 2008

I'd Chime In With Haven't You PEople Ever Hear Of...Closing The Goddamned Door


Oh wow, it's 6:30 in the morning. Jesus H.....what a couple of Phil's games yesterday. Good time for Burrell to get back on if we can only get that Utley character hitting again, we'll be all set. Today's hottie is straight outta Philly, and has maybe one of the funniest stories I've read in a while. It's unreal. But we'll get to that in a minute. First, let's hear what makes this hottie unique, shall we?

Hi! My name is Meredith Kimberley and I’m a Philly Hottie! I go to school in North Philly and I’m BFA Theatre major. I’m really into costume design, construction, and puppetry. I had my Philly debut in this year’s Fringe Festival! I love Coheed and Cambria, Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance, and the Foo Fighters. I play rock guitar and the bodhran (it’s a celtic drum). I’m a bo-black belt in Tae Kwon Do, Kum-do and I also do Hapkido and women’s defense classes.

So we got a black belt here, which means maaaaybe you shouldn't be such a dick to this one. I don't know, the idea of eating foot on a first date doesn't really appeal tome, so I'll tread lightly. I actually just read about the Fringe Festival. It's this eclectic gathering of artists in and around Philly who put on their own shows to help gain exposure for themselves on a bigger level. (I'm so goddamned cultured, bitches)....Meredith is also a little=different than our typical hottie. She's got more of an underground appeal to her...that whole goth and fetish type deal goin, and honestly, I dig it. It's a nice little change of pace. So, as I said, Meredith's date actually had me cracking up. People we're lookin at me like I'm crazy. Read what is quite possibly the worst date ever....

(Photo courtesy of T. Hibbs)

Tip of the Day

Q: Meredith, what was your worst date ever?

A: My worst date was with a pretty cute boy from my school. Funny, smart, with a few little quirks that I later realized just made him an ass. First we went to the movies. Men: as a general rule, the movies are the worst idea for a first date ever. Unless you are both HUGE fans of a specific genre (I like comic book movies, if you were interested) and you make plans to discuss it afterwards (a movie and THEN dinner, for example) a movie on its own is rarely a good choice. Second, even though HE asked out, he made me pay for my own ticket. Men: Ouch…Just suck it up and pay the 19 dollars (or however much it is for a movie ticket right now) and treat your girl special. Especially if you are looking for some reciprocity afterwards, show her a good time. Third, we then sat in the very back row all the way on the end, even though the theatre wasn’t that crowded and proceeded to sit through the shit before the movie started without talking. Halfway through the movie, he asks for a handjob. Not a kiss, not to cuddle, a goddamn handjob during Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Men: What have we learned? Unless we are still in high school, we might want to up our game a little bit. Get your dress shirts tailored, don’t wear pleated front pants, trim your goddamn nose hair, use deodorant, clip your toenails, and don’t ask for a handjob during LOTR:3. You’ll be fine.

I agree. Karate Kid is sooo much better to get handjobbed during. Guys, rethink the whole popcorn trick during movies featuring hobbits, or any type of midgetry. Cause it's kinda weird. All I can think is that once this guy got shot down, he was then stuck watching little people run all over a foreign land or some shit. Leave that classy shit for romantic comedies. At least that way if she says no, you've still got that pretty little Kate Hudson to look at!


BillyWarhol said...


JtHM said...

Mer, I love you. Congrats on being hottie of the week, though it's not like i wasn't expecting it.

See you soon, E.