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Friday, October 17, 2008

Dad, I Think My Hotties Gone Crazy!


So do we want the Rays??? The Sawks??? I'd like the Sawks just so we could kick the ass of anything Boston, and make all those Massholes weep into their lah-gah beers. How you like them apples?? Today we've got a hottie fo' that ass. Look at the body on this one...she can hold a cup between her boobies.....and to top it off, she's either slightly crazy or extremely sarcastic. AND she's gorgeous. Stunning actually. Either way, I got this email and just about lost my shit. It's ridiculously out of control, and I loved every second of it....It's Friday, I'm at my job hungover for the first time, and no amount of Red Bull or Amp can fix me today. So let's get on to the poetic styling of Ash (dims lights, starts beatnik music)

Well where do I start..boxed wine, trannys, mexican dishwashers, internet dating, keeping my peoples teeth clean, saving lives, I like to turn up my music loud in my car and pretend I am a drug lord. I enjoy cotton blend undergarments, cooking AND light-house cleaning. You can find me looking scandalous at THE ROXXY on Saturdays where I sell shots to my homies. Took some time off of school, but look forward to returning this spring semester for Public relations.

Boxed Wine, and trannys, and undies, OH MY! I like mexican dishwashers too, I used to be one. This is the absolute best description of anyone I've ever received. Lighthouse cleaning seems like such fun! Can you do it drunk, and what if your afraid of heights? And the drug lord thing....not really surprising. I mean, who doesn't imagine their a drug lord sometimes? It's just so weird to hear this shit comin from this girl. I mean she's hot and she looks classy, then the first thing she utters is tranny. Threw me for a complete loop. Ash has great boobs too. Like outstanding.... tough enough to carry a beer between 'em, and perky enough to piss off the old ladies at the bar. And she'll cook you lobster even though she's allergic to it herself. That's the sign of a good woman. Really, I'm floored by this hottie. Ok, I gotta go get some GD advil. My head is pounding, and the thought of a tranny just made me queasy.... imagine going downtown and what pops up? Penis. It's a penis. That's when the fight or flight response kicks in. But is hitting a tranny like hitting a woman? I have so many questions.....

Tip of the Day

Q: Ash, how can I effectively approach a hottie (without an adams apple)??

Eh: My advice for a guy for how to approach a hottie starts with confidence! If you see a girl alone at the bar even if you think shes out of your league, give it a shot anyways odds are she doesnt want to stand there by herself! Also a sense of humor and a Mercedes helps

Dick. I was golden til the Mercedes thing.